As a child, I always had an over whelming love for animals; when they died in a movie, my stomach would tighten, and I would find myself crying, asking why they had to die.. Why couldn't it be me instead? I was a dramatic little child in many circumstances, oh wait, still am.
xoxo nikki
Thoughts determine what you want. Actions determine what you get, after a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, that you really do have worth, and you learn..
An old man once
said “There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the drama and the
people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh,
forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right,
pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy.
Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.
Shouldn’t life be
about what we will probably miss the most after we die? Think about that and,
as the movie “The Bucket List” pointed out, we should make a list of the things
we want to do before we die, and do some of them!
And in the words
of my grandpa, “May the lord take a liking to you.”
I will be running at least ten miles a day.
(easy stuff I know but I need some energy for P90X afterwards. DUH. What do you think I am? A crazy person?)
I'm also taking on the P90X challenge.
By the end of my 90 days, my abs will resemble.....
THIS....
BAHAHAHA.
and I know you're all thinking it, why on earth do you want to look like that?
It's simple really, I just want to prove that I can do it.
It's in my personality:]
BRING IT ON.
xoxo nikki
PS. I'm getting these new running shoes... hopefully... and I'm sooo super excited! Best day ever. Oh, did I mention...? I'm training for a marathon. :]
"Dear Nikki, I think you're quite beautiful yourself. love, ______"
"We should probably be best friends."
"I'm cool with BECOMING best friends:)"
So, he taught me to longboard... <3
(( I fell for him in one day ))
and we wrote a story together:
We exchanged words of love, we exchanged words of hate.
There were laughs, there were cries.
We kissed eachother, we punched eachother.
There was passion, there was anger.
We sang, we cried.
There were good times,
There were awful times.
We road{longboards} together, we stood together.
Stereo Hearts: Gym Class Heroes.
Everytime I hear that song, I think of you..
It was a bumpy road,
It was on and off.
I gave it all,
He took it all.
and it was wonderful,
but it was so so terrible.
But no matter, it's a good story that we wrote. A short and complicated one, but a good one none the less. They'll make a movie of us, or a statue, or a monument, or something...
The ending: September 2011<3
We spent a few minutes together that night, it was his birthday. Holding hands, hugging, and laughing out loud. It was the end, but neither of us could face it or even say it.
"I'll comevisit you all the time! It's not that far away..."
It was a lie.
&& I knew it.
But I made myself believe it, becuase it was the only way I wouldn't feel broken. He climbed into his truck. I lingered. I didn't want to face that this was really the end. He was really leaving this time. But I didn't cry. I didn't even look sad. And I confidently left him behind after the perfect final kiss and an "I'll see you soon."
But I didn't see him soon.
and I did feel broken.
After it all, I am a better person. I am exactly who I am supposed to be.
Thanks to him for leaving,
and thanks to myself for letting go.
I'm sorry, but I forgive you.
"and I love to forgive and forget, so I'll try to put this all behind us. Just know that my arms are wide open. The older I get, the more that i know. It's time to let this go."
-James morrison
I read Aristotle.
I run for fun and to release my stress.
I smile always.
I laugh at almost everything.
I love with my whole heart.
I fall for men to easily.
I sing loudly and off key ((and pretend I'm someone of great talent))
I've had my heart broken a few times and broken my share of poor saps hearts, searching for the ONE.((the one that I'm not entirely sure exists.))
I'm obsessed with music, longboarding, and chai.
I adore sunflowers, cuddling, and movies.
I dance barefoot in the pouring rain.
I will be a dentist someday.
I love science and math.
I adore my family with my whole heart.
No one really knows me. No one really understands me. ((though many have tried..)) and here's my secret to you... I don't even understand myself. and therefore, any man who wants to try to even attempt fathom the woman that is me, well, I applaud him, and I wish him the best of luck. [[I'll be here by your side every step of the way and I can't wait to attempt understanding you.--Knowing me and my choice in men... you're probably extremely complicated as well. But it's cool. I like a challenge;)-- I will love you with all that I am.
The Tension and the Terror: Straylight Run
--As a little girl I was convinced this song was all about me because I have green eyes:)
yeahhh... it's not.
worst. day. ever.--
I had older brothers, can you tell??
:)
ps. sorry for all of the typos in my last post. we're not sure what happened.. :]
Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it... the more it eludes you.
But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on
your shoulder.
The other day I was asked to define LOVE. How on earth was I supposed to do that..? and WHY should I care enough to put some actual thought into it? Well, as it turned out, I did care. This is what I came up with: True love: A burning feeling of a million words, yet no way to be described.
It just is.
After a lot of contemplating... I finally realized why everybody spends their lives searching for love...
it's the closest thing we have to magic. Well, there's disneyland too, but we all can't afford to live in Disneyland forever. So we settle for love.
:)
How do we find love? Faith. Trust. and of course, Pixie Dust.
--If you find yourself lucky enough to get your hands one som of that dust that, rather than making you sneeze uncontrolably, makes you fly, let me know. Promis? I've always wanted to try flying!--
Although.. until I find love,
You can find me in Disneyland.
I'll be the one flaring my nostrils uncontrolably. ;) ((name that show))
This essay was particularly hard
for me to write. It wasn’t the experience that was hard, although the recanting
of it was something of a challenge; feeling the pain all over again. What made
it hard was choosing something within me that I wanted to be remembered for.
Truth be told, I don’t see anything worth remembering. I’m just an average
girl. I’m not particularly beautiful, my writing isn’t that great, I have countless
imperfections, and to be honest, I mess up a lot. I’ve made plenty of bad choices,
which I’m sure will color the minds of many in remembering me. After a long
period of thought, though, I finally came up with something of importance to
myself; my strength, and my attitude when I’m placed in difficult situations.
As a seventeen year-old, I’ve encountered numerous events which have formed me
into the woman I am today. One such event occurred my sophomore year of high
school. Today
my nephew of eighteen tried to kill himself. He drank a hardening fluid that is
used on hard wood floors. It landed him in the I.C.U in critical condition, and
I cried. I had spoken to him just moments before he left for lunch; just before
it happened. I had a prompting to go with him, but I pushed it aside (the lord
gave me someone to save, just as I had prayed for, and I blew it off.) I
realize it wasn’t my fault for what had happened, but I also realize I could
have stopped it. I cried, I screamed, I remember gasping for air. Running a
little faster, a little harder, hoping that if I pushed myself it would push
him to recovery; or at least stop the pain that was pooling in my heart. The
phrase “you never know what you have until it’s gone”, flashed across my mind,
and I realized how much I love him. I
hated it; the pain, the feeling of helplessness. The thought occurred to me
that this was the devils bidding because god would never have taken away the
most precious thing he’s given to all of his children, life, or at least he
wouldn’t take it away in such a painful, self-inflicting way. I soon thereafter
made it a goal of mine to never let “him”, Satan, win another battle like this.
Never let him take a life or hurt anyone I loved. He must be stopped, and I have
to be strong and set an example. Take the first step, and hopefully I’ll be
lead in a direction that will allow me to strengthen those who find themselves
weaker than they’d hoped to be. Help the souls who are struggling with life and
can’t see any hope to go on. I want to be remembered as a strong woman who
loved people enough to suffer with them, to lead them through the tough times, because
I’ve been in them myself. I know what it’s like. I want to be remembered
smiling through the hard times, having a good attitude that turns dark situations
into something less intense; something bearable. The longer I live, the more I realize the
impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It
is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances,
than failure, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is
more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company,
a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding
the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot
change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the
inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and
that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and
90% of how I react to it, and so it is with you, we are in charge of our
attitudes. Who I am isn’t
defined by my beauty or my accomplishments. It’s what I make of life and the struggles
that I’ll face by living it. I know I won’t be remembered for being beautiful
or brilliant or even a gifted writer. Years from now no one will remember that
mountain of a zit on my forehead or that “F” I got on a test or even that I didn’t
ask anyone to Preference my senior year; things like that won’t matter. However,
the way I aided my family and friends and acquaintances through life; the way I
was there for them no matter what; that will be remembered. In the end, if my
friends and family think of me and smile, I’ll know I’ve lived a good life.
Important preface: The color red indicates something made of/creator of/ is the equivilant of PURE AND UTTER EVIL.
[ If you happen to be a doctor and are reading this.. don't be offended, I'm sure there are nice doctors out there. Eh. Who am I kidding? You're ALL evil. Sorry. Should've chosen a different proffession. ]
The color yellow indicates pure and utter happiness.
SIDENOTE: My post is begining to look like a hotdog covered in ketchup and mustard. EW.
Well, I returned from the doctors yesterday, as I'm sure you already conjectured upon the publishing of my last post.
The doctor proceded with his usual check up, got an evil grin on his face, and said "you're going to hate me".
I believe my reaction was something like this..... O_0
Mixed with a whole lotta
THIS-------->
Yes I have a fear of the doctors office, and an even greater fear of needles.
[[and yet I'm going to become a dentist, how that works out? I have no idea]]
Well. To end this tragic tale, I had to get one of the most painful shots injected into my darriere. The actual poke...? Didn't hurt a bit, just scared me. The injection of medicine into my poor unexpecting
bottom, hurt like a mother. I thought I was going to die.
Imagine the most painful thing you've ever been through. Multiply that by about a billion,
Got that pain in mind?
Well guess what. You haven't even begun to understand the pain I was in!
Oh, and I havebronchitis.
((insert duh duh duh sound that plays in movies when something terrible has happened))
Here's to you sir, you know who you are.
Thank you for giving me everything.
Thank you for being so wonderful to me.
For being my night in shining armor.
I thought you were just, different, ya know?
But I was wrong.
Finally, thank you for breaking my heart...
and sending me on to bigger and better things.
I have places to go and people to see.
I have my dreams to live,
and I know now, that with you...
no matter how badly somedays I wish
it would have worked.
I know that it didn't.
I know that it can't.
I know that it wont.
Becuase with you...?
I'd never be able to live my dreams.
Thanks again.
We had a good run, didn't we?
xoxo<3
Have you ever been confused...? Just simply confused for no apparent reason...?
Have you ever closed your eyes and jumped into something you aren't so sure about?
Have you ever held on to something so tightly, you find that's the reason it got pushed away?
Have you ever dreamed of something crazy and out of the ordinary?
Have you ever forgotten about making yourself happy whilst trying to cater to the world?
Have you ever fallen in love?
Have you ever had your heart torn from your chest?
Have you ever danced in the rain, without a care in the world?
Have you ever sat in front of the fire place with your best friend and just talked?
Have you ever asked someone about their day and actually cared?
Have you ever gotten sick, and when you should be sleeping, you find yourself up all night long becuase for some unknown reason you're not tired at all?
Have you ever completed a homework assignment the day it was assigned?
Have you ever walked into a math class and felt an overwhelming happiness simply becuase you love math?
Have you ever flunked a test and smiled afterward?
Have you ever taken the time to take in the world that surrounds you as you rush to do the next thing on your to do list?
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Have you ever missed someone so badly that your heart physically hurt?
Have you ever expierenced love at first sight?
Have you ever expierenced true love?
Have you ever eaten an entire betos breakfast burito?
Have you ever broken someones heart?
Have you ever saved a life?
Have you ever made a bucket list?
Have you ever tried something new to spice up your seemingly plain jane life?
Have you ever had a best friend, without whom you'd never be able to survive?
Have you ever wanted to tell someone that you love them so badly, that your heart starts racing, and once you get the courage to walk up to them, your mind completely blanks... and I love you doesn't come out?
Have you ever given money to a stranger?
Have you ever hugged every person you see?
Have you ever smiled at ever person you see? Simply becuase you love life and you're happy and you want the world to know it.
Have you ever made a mistake?
Have you ever wished on a star, a clock, an eyelash?
Have you ever complimented yourself, picking out the good rather than the bad?
It's funny how much we miss out on life becuase of a schedule, fear, emotions, and our own stupid self distruction. I think from now on, I'm going to build myself up ((as well as others)) rather than tear myself down. Seems like life will be a little bit easier that way..
:)
It's times like this.. when I truly wish I had a fairy godmother who could wave her magic wand... say some catchy phrase.. and force this illness that decided to inhabit my body to the depths of destruction.
I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.
I don't want to BE alone.
I want to be LEFT alone.
Pick a day,
Enjoy it-To the hilt.
The day as it comes,
The people as they come,
the past, I think, has helped me appreciate
the present - and I don't want to spoil any
of it by fretting about the future .
Paris is always a good idea.
"The blues are because you are getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long.
You're just sad, that's all. The 'mean reds; are horrible. Suddenly you're
afraid, and you don't even know what you're afraid of. Did you ever get that
feeling? ... Well when I get it, the only thing that does any good is to jump
into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the
proud look of it. Nothing very bad can happen to you there."
"I never think of myself as an icon.
What is in other people's minds is not in
my mind. I just do my thing."
"The greatest victory has been to be able to live with myself, to accept my
shortcomings...I'm a long way from the human being I'd like to be. But I've
decided I'm not so bad after all."
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, as you
get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the
second is to help others."
Caffeine? Check. No calories? Check. Class? You betcha.
Chai is a cool word. I love saying it, because it reminds me of something really
sweet and cozy.
[[Or whenever I say it, people mistake as a Tricycle because my favorite beverage from
Beans and Brews is a CHAISICLE, it never fails to absolutely crack me up!--which honestly isn't hard to do. haha]]
Before I tell you what, though, you should take a look at what Chai
actually means: 1. It´s the Russian word for any type of tea. 2. It`s the
name of a very specific and unusual type of drink from India. Chai.com describes said drink as "the
perfect blend of freshly ground spices (chai masala) like cloves, cinnamon,
nutmeg, ginger, cardamom and pepper, added to a boiling pot of loose leaf tea
and milk to make a delicious, satisfying and healthy beverage."
My first encounter with my beloved "Christmas in a Cup", love of my life, heaven on earth, beautifuly brewed addiction...
By now there was a storm out the covered window by our table, and the waiter
brought a low cup that steamed of spices. Beside it was a small metal pitcher of
warm milk. I added the milk to the chai slowly and finally it was just hot
enough to satisfy my tastebuds without injuring them, but I shouldn`t have waited; the peppery,
gingery heat was just as strong as boiling water. Chai is an unusual tea, and
the good kind reminds me of spicy delicious CHRISTMAS IN A CUP. It`s a very
adventurous one too, at least for me--if I was going to climb Everest, the first
thing I`d throw in my bag would be chai masala because it warms you right up.
Then, of course, a hot plate and soymilk--scratch that, WHOLE MILK ((go big or go home baby!)). The point is, that night was a
perfect example of what makes tea superior to coffee, Red Bull, whatever your
elixir is currently--the smell, the taste, the warmth brings you back to
something you like, whether it`s a day the thermometer let you off school, or
that first love story you finished at a WiFi cafe. Everything else just gives
you a jolt forward, which isn´t all bad, but there are times when you`re better
off looking over your shoulder, smiling, and thinking something happy for about
ten minutes. Those times are made for tea.
I believe not all addictions are bad... my addiction isn't a bad thing at all
;) Nope... it's GOOOOOD. I'll stick with my chai.
Go ahead, try some! You'll never go back...
AND.... turns out... you can put chai in almost ANYTHING. and obviously, it's DELICOUS!
the end. :]
*be daring* have fun*be daring*have fun*be daring*have fun*be daring*have fun*don't be afraid..
I find it funny that I fear love. [[I'm sure a number of you do as well. You're not fooling me:)]] I've run from it on countless occasions, for the fear of falling ((and falling hard)) only to land flat on my face becuase prince charming hasn't found me yet. I find that my life has been colored by fear and insecurity. But why? Why do I let the world effect me so? Why do I let them tell me I'm not good enough? Because I am! I know that I am. So why not risk..? Why not be DIFFERENT?
I have a theory. ((yes another one! deal with it:] ))
If you don't try, you'll never know. If you never know, you'll live your whole life wondering... wondering if you just let him slip by. Don't be afraid!
Take that chance! Live your life. What have you got to lose...?
take a leap into the unkown, and you might realise how much you actually love it there.
the brisk chill of something new...
Now. Go out there. Give it your all. && never doubt yourself. and most of all? HAVE FUN! pinky promise? :)
xoxo nikki
